is it november yet? i am tired of being sick, tired of worrying and bad dreams. i am also nervous. i want my few friends to be excited, but i am not sure that they will be. i don't know why i care about behind-my-back judgments. i long for more friends at the same point in their lives that i am at in mine. they seem so hard to come by.
andy and i are getting married in two and a half days. 10/10/10. very few people know about it, and no one outside of our families seems all that excited for us. fuck it. i'm excited for us. when andy is asleep and i'm sitting up by myself i think and think about him, about how amazing he is, i get so overwhelmed by it that i want to wake him up and tell him but i never have the heart to wake him. he needs his rest.
i have quit smoking, quit drinking caffeine (mostly). i never watch television or listen to music lately. i feel very still and quiet.